
The Long-Lasted Effects of Labels for Girls
By Ruby Knoebel
As a girl, I was called unapproachable. I was shy in the classroom, but outside of it, I was bold and adventurous. I played with boys in my grade, acting like daredevils on the playground. I never cried. I was sometimes called bossy. I internalized these labels, believing that something must be wrong with me. But recently, I’ve realized that I’m neither bossy nor unapproachable—and that the qualities that have caused people to use those labels are qualities that make me a good leader and a good mentor. Yet even as I’ve fought it, the shame associated with those labels has stuck with me.
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As girls, we start out enthusiastic, facing endless possibilities. We believe we can do anything. And then society tries to place us into boxes. And as we start melding to be contained within these societal structures, opportunities start to disappear. Outspoken girls become silent women, leaders become followers, and confident girls become doubtful.
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Any label sets an expectation, and expectations can be hard to separate from ourselves. It’s hard to understand where societal expectations for us end and our true selves begin. They limit potential for exploration and growth. They convince us that who we are has already been decided, while really, we are always changing. But this change is not always accepted for women, who are placed into boxes from the time that they’re girls.
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On my elementary school playground, there were some girls who made flower crowns by the field and others who joined the sports games. Both are perfectly acceptable activities. But too often, girls feel afraid to stray from either one—the girls who make flower crowns embrace the pink, skirt-wearing life, whereas the sportier girls grow into tomboys. Girls from each group become stereotypes rather than just girls who are young and starting their life-long journeys of discovering themselves. This dichotomy of girly-girls and tomboys is present, limiting, and, most importantly, imagined. Girls from neither group will feel comfortable growing and expanding their interests—none will feel confident discovering their truest selves, which are almost certainly a combination of traits of the girly-girl, the tomboy, and every other trope.
While this dichotomy disappears after childhood, its implications carry well into adulthood. Adults have different expectations for girls in these groups, which can be both a cause and effect of this dichotomy. The kids will be given different activities and different expectations from adults, and as a result, they will begin to become increasingly like their stereotypical identities, rather than growing into qualities that are true to them. There are strengths to being both a girly-girl and a tomboy—the biggest, of course, being true to your own interests and personality. In reality, these childhood traits should be nothing more than part of our quests to live meaningful lives, but what we are taught about ourselves as children can either expand or limit our views of our own futures. However, childhood labels might only be the beginning of a pipeline to our adult lives. The girls who grow up as bold tomboys might be guided into lives as aggressive corporate employees, whereas the girly-girls might be guided into lives as homemakers. Either one of these options can be great, so long as the people entering the fields know if they are choosing the most fulfilling paths for themselves.
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Girls should be given the opportunity to become who they are—the best, truest, and most confident versions of themselves. Any label can restrict this, whether it is calling a girl “bossy” or assigning her fully to a stereotype. When girls grow up believing in labels that other people assigned to them, they grow into those labels, rather than growing into themselves.
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Of course, we can’t change our childhoods. The names that we were called as children stick with us in ways that we don’t always recognize. It wasn’t until last year that someone asked me why I found myself unapproachable. For a moment, I didn’t know—until I remembered being called the label as a young teen. I’ve held it with me for too long, and since recognizing it, I’ve started to let go of the label. Now, I neither have to try to fit into a personality trope, nor feel responsible for how others have labelled me. And through that, I’ve started to find freedom of expression.
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While we can’t change our childhoods, we can try to change how we define them, to choose how much importance we assign to how others have treated us. Equally importantly, we can change the future. We can refrain from assigning girls to be girly-girls or tomboys, bossy or shy. Without these labels, girls will be free to constantly become truer versions of themselves.